Bat's Joke
by Song of the Hawk
Summary: Batman is confident that he will stop Joker this time. But this time Joker has a little "surprise." Also, this is my first story. Any and all corrections/reviews/criticism is appreciated. I will try to take into account every mistake and make my stories better. Thank you :)
1. Chapter 1

"Master Bruce?" Alfred questioned, waking up Bruce Wayne.

"Yes, Alfred?" Wayne replied drowsily. He sat up in his bed and the sheet fell from his chest as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I'm afraid Joker…."

"Enough said. Dammit! Can't he go a couple of weeks without breaking out of Arkham?"

Wayne sprung out of bed, brushed past Alfred, and reached his library. Shelves and shelves full of books of all kind. Wayne trudged to the grand piano in the room. He played a three-note tune and the shelves slid. Wayne put one hand on the pole and heaved the rest of his body onto the pole.

Once he landed, he was fully suited as the Caped Crusader. He slammed his fist down on a button nearby which raised the Batmobile. He jumped down the steps and sprinted to the black car. He pivoted over the door into the driver's seat. He pulled it into gear and sped out of the Batcave.

"Computer, locate villain: The Joker." Batman spoke to the Batmobile. After a few seconds the GPS screen inside the cockpit circled in on a certain point in Gotham. "The toy factory? Sure it is his MO but…" Batman asked himself, confused.

After Batman arrived he saw several GCPD cars parked outside with many deputies using their doors as cover, waiting to get a sign of Joker's face so they can blow that grin off of him.

"Commissioner Gordon." Batman said as he hopped out of the Batmobile and walked to Gordon.

"Just in time, Batman!" He exclaimed as his mustache and glasses moved as he spoke to the Dark Knight. "Joker up to his usual shenanigans."

"Hostages?"

"Five. We tried negotiating-no luck. He won't let anything in or out."

"Did he account for me?" Batman said, the sentence a little threatening because of his monotone voice.

Gordon looked at the factory, then back to Batman but he was gone. Batman flew through the air to the ceiling of the toy factory.

_If I remember correctly, this factory had a skylight._ Batman thought to himself.

Once he made it to the ceiling, his grappling hook automatically set itself back inside the Caped Crusader's utility belt. He made his way to where he thought the skylight was. And he was correct, there was a skylight.

He looked through the glass, seeing Joker having five people at gun point. Batman scanned for Joker's thugs but didn't see any.

The Dark Knight smashed through the glass and kicked the revolver out of Joker's gloved hand and landed on his feet.

"It's…. over…." Batman breathed. Barely able to breathe much less speak.

"Whoa! Quicker reaction to the gas than I thought, Batsy!" Joker laughed hysterically after, "See, I had Freeze make Joker gas invisible! And a vaccine for me so you, Bats, wouldn't wonder why I wasn't wearing a gas mask!"

Batman dropped to one knee.

"But this time, my laughing gas has an unexpected side effect…" Joker smiled in Batman's face, lingering on the last three words of his sentence to add affect, as Batman lost consciousness.

TO BE CONTINUED….


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello guys. I know I don't have many people reading my stories yet, maybe because the first was so short. I re-read it for the 6****th**** time and realized it was… off? I'll try to make this one longer and more descriptive since I found my imagery and such very poor. But if you guys would leave a review, I would really appreciate. I really need to know what you guys want. I know I'm writing short stories with only 500 words and I'm sorry about that.**

Batman awoke to Harley Quinn's annoyingly high voice. He sat up quickly expecting restraints on him but found none. He looked around the room: purple walls, green floor, and an old, beat up bed, and Harley Quinn at the foot of the bed smiling at Batman.

"Quinn!" Batman drew a batarang and sprung out of bet posed and ready to fight Quinn.

"What's wrong, B-man?" She cocked her head and frowned out of confusion.

"What the hell is happening?!" He yelled at her.

"What do ya' mean? This is our hideout!" She returned to her regular grin.

The TV burst on with a news anchor reporting about an escape from Arkham Asylum.

"The crazy "Batman" broke out of Arkham Asylum last night. Joker is hot on his trail of murder, theft, and destruction."

"Did you hit your head?" Quinn asked and walked over and rubbed the Batman's head, with Batman towering over her by a foot.

Having nothing else to say, Batman replied, "Yeah. Can you fill me in?"

"Well," she started, "that disgusting Joker caught ya' in da hostage holdup in a toy factory. You got took to Arkham, and I and the thugs broke ya' out." Her bad grammar showing-she smiled with pride, obviously proud of breaking him out of Arkham.

"Uh huh…" He replied deep in thought. How did he get into this predicament? "THE GAS JOKER USED!" He yelled, finally realizing what caused this hell.

"What Puddin'?" Quinn asked.

"Nothing." He absentmindedly pulled her close to him and kissed her just to make her happy so she would shut up.

"Whoa… Puddin', you haven't kissed me in…" she silenced herself trying to savor it.

A thug then came bursting through the small, creaky, wooden door into the bedroom Batman and Quinn were in. Quinn was slouched in a poorly built chair looking star dazed.

"Uh… Batman, the rest of the men were wondering if you were still going to rob that jewelry store?" He queried.

"No!" He blurted.

"What?" He puzzled.

"I mean, I just got back from the Asylum. Why not savor my coming back? I don't want to risk getting arrested again, now do I?"

"No, I guess you don't." He backed out and closed the door behind him.

"Does Jok-I mean I have any special… gas being developed?" Batman asked Quinn.

"I… you… gas… don't… know…" she smiled her crooked smile and looked blankly ahead still star dazed.

'Damn, how am I going to get a sample of that gas to reverse the effect?' Batman thought. 'If Quinn is still on the evil side, then that must mean Freeze and Ivy are on this side swell. Maybe they could help me with my problem.'

"Harley-could I get some time to recover?" he asked Quinn.

"Yeah… Sure… Kiss…" she mumbled some random sounds and words afterwards. Who knew she was so crazy about Joker.

Batman sat down in the same wooden chair that Quinn was sitting in. He was thinking about how in the hell he was going to fix this.


	3. Chapter 3

Batman awoke to the pleasantry of the absence of Quinn.

'Okay,' he thought, 'Ivy and Freeze are the two people I should go searching for. But how can I get around without getting myself found?' He gulped. 'I have to ask Quinn.' He closed his eyes out of fear. He barely recovered from the last migraine she gave him.

He tiptoed out of the doorway, Quinn might be small but she has bionic hearing. She must have been obsessed with Joker, and unfortunately it transferred to her here.

He suddenly stepped on a creaky floorboard.

"PUDDIN', YOU'RE AWAKE!" he heard Quinn scream.

"So close…" He murmured.

The dash of black and red came lightning fast towards him. She squeezed against him in a rib-crushing hug.

"Good morning, Harley…" He heard a pop in his chest as she continued her embrace. "Could you stop hugging me?"

"Sure thing Mistah B!" She grinned.

"I have a question-"

"What is it?" She said eager to answer him. What did Joker do to Harleen Quinzel to make her into this?

"How do you get around while avoiding detection?"

"Oh, we either use da' sewers or a laundry van." She looked off to her right while poking out her hip with a hand on her hip and her other arm's elbow and the other side while she had an upturned hand with her index finger extended.

"Do you use disguises in this… laundry van?" He asked.

"No, the windows are just tinted so they can't see us."

"Isn't that illegal-" He cut himself off realizing that these were professional criminals.

He remembered seeing a van with tinted windows, but didn't stop it because he thought that those minor crimes were for the police.

"Would you happen to know Poison Ivy's hideout?" He asked her. He figured it would be best to start there looking for a… antidote? to the gas.

"Of course! I visit her… I don't know. Why do ya' wanna go?" She asked.

"I need to ask Pamela an important question."

"Sure thang, Mistah B! When ya' wanna peel?" She asked.

"ASAP, would be perfect." He responded.

"Alrighty then!" She grabbed his wrist and dragged him throughout the hideout towards the garage. He saw all the thugs playing cards, smoking marijuana, crack and such. An occasional fight in which Quinn would end up breaking up.

When they arrived in the dimly light garage, Batman saw a greasy mechanic sitting on a rusty tool box wiping off a monkey wrench.

"Howdy boss!" He said in a strong Texan accent.

Batman nodded.

The van was white, with "JJ's Laundry" poorly spray-painted on the side. How did the World's Greatest Detective miss that?

Quinn hopped in the driver's seat, while only being able to see about 7 inches above the dash, and Batman crawled into the passenger's seat.

"To Red's place!" Quinn bounced in her seat and pointed forwards even though she backed out through the garage door making an enormous hole. "Sorry, Steve!" She called through the window. Batman saw the mechanic sigh and went to get some wood to repair the van-shaped hole Quinn left.

They arrived at a rundown series of green houses with a Botanical Garden building in the middle.

Quinn hopped out and dragged Batman out of it. She entered the cluster of buildings screaming "Red! It's Harley and Mistah B!" She waved her extra arm that wasn't being used to drag Batman.

A green, rough, vine reached out and wacked Batman away from Quinn, then snagged his ankle and held him upside down.

The infamous Poison Ivy walked out from vines and circled Batman.

"Red!" Quinn exclaimed, embracing her. Ivy looked down at Quinn, and Ivy kissed Quinn passionately while holding Quinn's chin-Ivy being about a foot taller than Harley.

"Wow Red! Almost as good as Mistah B!" Quinn smiled, looking stunned.

"And now for you-Batman," Ivy applied some awkward colored lipstick and dragged her finger down Batman's rock-hard chest down to his chin, she squatted and kissed Batman. He felt Ivy's tongue wiggle its way into his mouth. As they wrestled Batman began to feel drowsy.

She broke the kiss.

"Now what does the infamous Batman want from me?" She placed her hands on her lips and looked at him-still upside down.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello guys! I ended Chapter 3 at an awkward part, so to start Chapter 4 it is going to be an awkward first paragraph, sentence, or such-my greatest apologies. Also, sorry for the delay.**

Batman still hung upside down with one of Ivy's vines wrapped around his ankle.

"Can you let me down?" Batman asked.

"Now sweetie, why would I do that?" Ivy responded. "Anyways, why did you come visit sweet ol' Red?" Ivy said lustfully.

Batman took a moment to think of how to word 'Oh, you see, Joker is actually on your side and tries to kill me but he made a gas to swap lives with me. Can you help me?' Yeah, made perfect sense.

He opened in mouth but suddenly lights flooded the greenhouse. Gas bombs crashed through the roofs and sprayed its smoke-colored gas everywhere. Ivy tried to rise herself out of the greenhouse by her plants but the gas had some sort of effect on her and her plants.

The vine around Batman's ankle shrunk away and Batman thumped against the floor. Harley started crying and mumbling something about not going to Arkham. Batman sprinted and wrapped his left arm around Harley's waist. He grabbed his trustful Batclaw and grappled out of the greenhouse.

"REEEEEEED!" Harley cried as they rose out of the greenhouse.

Batman lay on the bed in his room. Harley was balling as loud as she possible could-possibly a bit louder.

Batman sighed and got up and slumped over to where Harley was.

"Boss, you gotta do sumthin'!" A thug said with his hands pressed against his ears.

Batman nodded and walked in. Harley sucked on her thumb in between cries. Batman reluctantly sat next to her and held her close.

"I'm sorry about Red." Batman said.

She stopped balling and looked at him with her deep sky blue eyes. "Did you do it on purpose?"

"Harley, of course not. I really didn't mean for her to get arrested. I'm so sorry Harley." Batman squeezed her close holding her for a second or two.

Snores came from her mouth.

"Still obnoxious but better than wailing." Batman sighed.

He walked out of Harley's multi-colored room.

"Anyone know where Freeze is?" Batman asked out loud.

The TV suddenly blared with the news.

"Breaking News: Dr. Freeze is robbing Gotham Bank! All police units are on call! Roads near the bank have been closed! Many hostages inside the bank!"

"Guessing he is there?" A thug smiled.

Batman leaped , grappled, and swung from building to building

Batman stared from a gargoyle at the entrance of the bank. Abruptly, he felt a gun muzzle at the back of his brain stem.

"Hello Batsy!" Said a little too familiar voice….

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Chapter 5

Batman tried turning around in reflex to face the demon of a man. The barrel thrust against the base of the back of his to force it forward again.

"Nope! You don't get to see me _just _yet!" The thought that Joker –supposedly Joker-didn't want Batman to see him. Was he hiding something? If he is, is it that bad that Batman can't see it?

"Why won't you just stop Freeze, then me?" Batman asked.

"Well, you see…" Batman was suddenly jerked onto his back and looked up at the enormous figure of Joker. Standing almost ten feet tall, muscular, and extremely threatening.

Batman's eyes widened at the sight. Then, other Jokers appeared at randomsurrounding Batman. Batman rose and got into a fighting stance, but then the dissolved into thin air.

Then ringing filled his ears and when that finally faded away he heard his parents' screams as gun shots rang throughout the night.

"Mother? Father!" Batman screamed, crying.

He dropped to his knees, palms downward and on the ground.

He then saw Gotham City, but a different version… Joker posters were covering the cities. The civilians wore clown masks. Purple and green spray paint coated the city. Over bullhorns came Joker's hideous, creepy, hysterical laugh.

After that nightmarish sight, he appeared in a graveyard. He saw his parents, then Alfred Pennyworth's, Dick Grayson's, Barbara Gordon's, then at the end of the line of graves, was his own.

"STOP!" Batman screamed.

He heard Jonathan Crane's laughter surround him. Batman rose from his knees.

"Show yourself, Crane."

The horrific sights dissolved and showed a yellow gas. Then Scarecrow's bagged face walked out from the yellow fog.

The creepy bag over his face moved as he talked.

"Hello Batman. How are you this fine night? Helping Freeze I suppose?"

"Why are you interfering?"

"Side effects: Anger in victim. Could be gas or natural." Scarecrow mumbled into a microphone. "Getting the chance to test my new gas, I just couldn't pass up. My dearest apologies, well, maybe not. But at least I mentioned it."

Batman clumsily ran over to Crane and swung his arm at Crane, aiming for his nose, or where he supposed it was. Crane dodged and whacked Batman's Achilles tendon with his crane.

Batman toppled over due to the sudden force imbalance in him. He somersaulted back into a standing position. Crane swung his crane like a bat aiming for Batman's head. Batman blocking it with his left forearm then dropped his hand to grab the crane and fling it over the building.

Due to the yank of his crane, Scarecrow was pulled forward as Batman grabbed the color of Scarecrow.

"Antidote, now!" Batman yelled.

"There is none." Crane said.

Batman dropped Crane and drove his boot into Crane's gut which sent him tumbling in the other direction.

Crane stumbled up and ran to Batman. Batman spun out of Crane's way and hit the back of his heel against Crane's foot which tripped the psychotic scientist.

Batman grabbed the back of Crane's collar and flung Crane over the building and heard him land with a loud snap and the falling of a dumpster.

Batman's eyes snapped open in sudden realization of what he just did. He sprinted to the edge of the building and saw Crane's broken body and his snapped neck.

"What have I done?" Batman gawked, knowing his most important vow-to not take a life-was just thrown into the dust…

TO BE CONTINUED…


	6. Chapter 6

Batman continued to stare down at Crane's body.

"What did this 'gas' do to me?" Batman said. "Whether or not I can live with this, I need to find Freeze."

Batman turned towards the scene of the crime. The GCPD surrounded the ancient-looking but yet still technologically-current building.

Suddenly, out of the gigantic two doors, he saw blue blasts of something randomly flying out of the doors.

_Freeze_, Batman thought.

Batman grappled to the top of the building and looked down through the huge skylight.

He didn't see anything but file cabinets, papers thrown everywhere, and a small smear of blood.

_He must be on the first floor,_ Batman thought. He dove into the skylight, breaking the glass, and landing perfectly on his feet.

Abruptly, a blast hit his ankle in which froze his left foot into place, also forcing his ability to turn around futile.

"Well well, Batman. It looks like I finally caught you." Freeze laughed.

_Why do these people keep fighting me? Aren't I on their side?_ Batman thought. Freeze was behind him so Batman was unable to see what he was doing.

"I need your help," Batman said.

"Well, I scratch your back, and you'll scratch mine. This robbery here isn't going exactly how I hoped. My men are actually, believe it or not, smart enough to hold the police away from the bank."

A bullet ricocheted off of Batman's boot and implanted itself into the khaki colored wall. Good thing for bullet-proof armor.

"So what do I have to do in order for you to help me?" Batman asked.

"Snipers are taking out my men. Take them out, and I'll help you." Freeze stated while launching a beam from his cannon.

Batman grappled off to a building, luckily unseen.

A loud crack, a slight muzzle flash, and a faint scream. _A sniper, _Batman thought.

He stalked around the stair entrance on the top of the roof to see a SWAT sniper, laying prone, aiming down his scope. Batman snuck up soundlessly and in one swift movement put the crook of his right arm around the sniper's neck and grabbed his left bicep and using his left hand to hold the back of his head. Batman flexed and pulled up with his right arm to choke the sniper into unconsciousness.

Batman felt his pulse to make sure he hadn't committed another murder.

_One down, who knows how many left… _

TO BE CONTINUED…

**P.S. Sorry this chapter was short, I just wanted to get this one over with, but I promise to be more enthusiastic about the next! Thank you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been through some really bad things lately. I will probably get back into the groove of things. Enjoy!**

Batman checked the pulse of the sniper he just choked. Alive, but unconscious. He jumped onto the next building's roof.

He crouched down once he landed and stalked across the flat roof. Then, he heard a loud crack.

He changed his view to where the robbery was. He then saw people carrying Freeze out of the building on a stretcher towards an ambulance.

Batman thought that getting back to reality may be impossible. Ivy, Freeze, all down. He was running out of options. He then felt a sharp pain in the back of his head as he faded out of consciousness.

He regained consciousness in a dimly lighted room. He moaned out of pain. The room was a dark silver color. He felt for his cowl and thankfully found it still on his head.

He sat up. He was lying on a thin mattress with thin sheets and a pillow with the same likeness.

"Hello Batman." Said a familiar voice.

"Gordon?" He asked, recognizing the voice of one of his most trusted allies-or formerly most trusted.

"Glad you're awake. Why were you helping out Freeze? It isn't your MO to rob low-standard things."

Batman didn't respond. How the HELL was he supposed to explain to Gordon his predicament.

"No reply? Well, we could lock you up. Tell you what, I'll let you free if you explain your cases of the murder of Jonathan Crane and aiding in a robbery."

"You're lying."

"OF COURSE I AM! You are one of the most infamous crime lords the country, let alone Gotham, has ever seen! Multiple cases of murder, theft, bribery, shall I go on?"

Batman shut his eyes. His entire life he has fought against crime. Now, in this fucked up world he has somehow been thrown in, he is the cause of it all. He wasn't going to cause anymore. Maybe Gordon would help him.

"I needed Freeze's help. I killed Crane out of self-defense."

"We know you killed him out of self-defense. You have been released of that charge. Why did you need Freeze's help?"

"I needed his… technology… that I do not have possession of."

"All of his belongings have been confiscated. He died when his suit was broken by a bullet. He died of the heat."

"WHAT? No, no." Batman panicked.

"Why did you need his technology?" He got up off his chair from the corner of the room and approached Batman.

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"You already are."

Good point.

"This all isn't real."

"What?" Gordon replied puzzled.

"In reality, Joker is the crime lord. I fought crime, prevented these crimes. Joker is the real villain. He did something to me and we somehow switched lives."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I just told you."

Gordon opened his mouth but was then shut when a white van came crashing through the wall and pinned him to the wall.

"HEY B-MAN!" Batman heard Harley's voice. He never thought he would be so happy to see her.

He climbed into the passenger seat as Harley floored it in reverse and sped back to the hideout.

"I got ya'!" Harley laughed.

"Thank you." Batman laughed and kissed her as a reward. She drove back in a trance she usually was in when he rewarded her that way.

**To be continued….**


	8. Chapter 8

Batman woke up from the night in the same old room as before ever since this horrible nightmare started.

He started to lose confidence in himself. What if he never returned to reality? He probably would not.

He had called upon Freeze, Ivy, who else? Those were the only people who could help his situation.

But he hasn't tried one person; probably the only person who could get him out of this mess.

He walked down the creaky wooden stairs. He then heard Harley's voice.

"B-man!" She rushed out ecstatically.

He turned and grabbed her bottom jaw. "This is the probably last time you'll see me. Well, probably without you trying to kill me or looking at me through bars." He exited the hideout with her looking like she was just struck across the face.

He jumped and ran across the building tops until his point of interest-Gotham Square.

He glided down in plain sight into the middle of the square. The citizens who once thought of him as their hero ran at the sight of him. He stood there, in the middle of the square, waiting for his person-of-interest.

Squad cars surrounded him. Police men took cover behind their car doors wielding their pistols and shotguns alike.

"We have you surrounded!" Said Gordon over the bullhorn.

He didn't reply a word. He heard the cocking of many pistols.

"Well Batsy! 'Bout time you showed your sexy face!" the monstrosity said.

The white-faced mongrel jumped down behind him.

"Not going to say anything hm?" He laughed.

"For all I can remember, you have terrorized Gotham."

"Yes, it was quite fun. But my favorite part of it was getting the chance to outsmart the 'World's Greatest Detective!' Pssh, you weren't a detective. You were just a washed-up pretty boy in a bat suit. Claiming to fight Gotham's psychos and criminals, when you one of us all along." He said while circling Batman.

"It doesn't matter now."

"And how does it not? You are right now what you were all along. You just haven't accepted it or realized it until now. It was a mistake coming here. What were you doing? Trying to figure out how to get back to 'reality?' One of two things is going to happen now. Either I will kill you and be praised for it, or I might spare your pathetic excuse of a life and let you go to the asylum. Which one do you prefer?"

He didn't reply.

"Would you rather me flip a coin? Like good ol' Dent? Remember him? The one you _failed _to save? You're the one who turned him into that two-faced freak! Not me, not him, but _you_!"

"Or I could just kill you here."

"Wouldn't that be just sinking down to my psycho level? Gasp! The great Batman killed Joker!"

Batman swiftly pinned Joker against a nearby tree.

"Batman! Release Joker immediately or we fire!" Gordon announced.

"Batman you don't have a choice it seems."

"I do." He replied in his monotone voice.

The police open fired on Batman. Lead tore into his back and ribs. Blood spurted out of his body as his flesh was shredded by the bullets.

Batman spit blood out of his mouth. A drop leaked out of the corner of his mouth.

"Bye bye Batsy!"

Batman quickly thrust a knife into Joker's heart. Joker's eyes widened. He coughed as the life drifted away from the maniac.

Batman limped away from Joker's corpse and dropped to his knees. He coughed up blood and fell down into the soft, blood-stained, grass. He grabbed the grass with his gloved hand and closed his eyes. On his last breath he laughed. Batman for once had the last laugh….


End file.
